Kink isn’t just for lip-biting brunettes in “Fifty Shades of Grey” anymore. BDSM is being embraced by a community you would never expect: asexuals. Across the globe, asexual people—people who lack sexual attraction to any gender—are exploring BDSM. Read below to find out how kink is changing how we define asexuality.
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A rising number of asexuals are turning to kink as a way to experience sexuality without actual sex.
Asexuals are also known as “aces.” According to Daily Mail, about 1 percent of the population is asexual.
Most people see asexuality as being celibate or prudish, but there is a whole other world out there.
There is a growing community of asexuals who are not sexually attracted to any gender but who are attracted to the kink scene because they like touch, relationships, sensations, and power dynamics—reasons that have nothing to do with sex itself.
Kink focuses on negotiation and consent, and this environment feels safer than traditional relationships where sex is usually expected.
Kink normally falls into four categories: bondage, domination, submission, masochism.
While kink was originally rooted in sex, in recent years it has become more about connection.
There are people who have entire relationships where there is no explicit sexual contact.
Aces divide attraction into three categories: aesthetic, romantic and sexual.
Aces who are aesthetically attracted to someone might find them physically attractive without being sexually attracted to them.
Aces who are romantically attracted might want to be in a romantic relationship with someone that doesn’t involve sex.
Some aces enjoy having sex but don’t experience sexual attraction. This is why kink becomes a good alternative for them.
One ace tells Cosmopolitan, “I appreciate this ability to step outside normal social strictures and explicitly say, ‘We are going to very carefully negotiate the way we interact with each other to be safe and careful with each other.’”
“It’s kind of like you picking up your cat, and you’re hanging out and bonding — you’re having very intimate contact, but very explicitly not sexual and sometimes to the point that being sexual would make that really uncomfortable and would be undesirable,” she adds.
“Even though they’re not mutually exclusive, asexuality can challenge kink and kink can challenge asexuality, so the intersection of those identities really have a lot of power to shape how we think about sex and pleasure and sensuality and touch,” another ace adds. “There’s a lot that can be done from this position.”